Girlfriend Wisdom

Ladies, I know you can all appreciate most of these! The last one is my personal favorite

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills...
she has 14 kids but she doesn't really care.

2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make
a woman gain 5 lbs.

3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't
know what you are doing, someone else does.

6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat are really good friends.

7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain
consciousness.

9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together
and setting fire to my panties.

10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while, and it
shrinks 2 sizes!

11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things
like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now, I've forgotten
my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I have never
forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to
eat!

12. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about
nothing -- and then they marry him.

13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are
eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they
kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

14. Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly on a broomstick. We're flexible that way.